Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
...so i touched it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
