dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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