Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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