The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Randomize
