Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
