Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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