he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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