I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize