Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize