I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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