As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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