Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
