I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
