I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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