I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
