guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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