He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
