Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
