Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
why is half of my head shaved?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
