At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
