I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
