these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
