i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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