True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
