I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
