You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize