the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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