were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
