He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
