I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize