i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
