through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
