My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
