You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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