Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
