So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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