The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
