Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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