I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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