dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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