DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
