I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
