I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
