Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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