He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
