Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
