I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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