Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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