so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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