so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
