The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
