I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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