She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
