I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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