I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
