Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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