I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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