the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
