Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
