i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's never too late to be topless.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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