so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
