Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Two words: nipple clamps
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