If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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