3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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