Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
