Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Too much gin, very little bucket
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
