I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
