i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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