i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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