Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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