if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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