32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
