I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
