spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
