did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize