can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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