I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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