I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
