Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
