remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
